MID-LIFE CRISIS

MID-LIFE CRISIS

This is for the adults. As for the young adults, understanding what’s ahead of you prepares you to be a constant winner.

We seem to know a lot about the "mixed-up" kids. We have so much to say about how they should tackle the hurdles and do well in life. We seem to know all the pitfalls and the dangers that make or break them. But there is yet another big turning point in life that adults seldom or never talk about and it is one that can be far more devastating than that of the earlier adolescence period. I call it the "mid-life evaluation" period. Ironically, it actually comes to all, the successful and the unaccomplished, the simple and the wise. Most do not talk about it, maybe because it involves things that grown adults are too shy or too ashamed to admit. For certain ones, it comes like an unexpected storm that destroys in its wake, everything that one has painstakingly built over the years. Most that survived the storm sustain hurts and scars that stay with them for the rest of their life. Yet for some special ones, even though the period seems tempestuous, they transcend into tranquility, depths and mastery over life. But, as sure as adolescence visits a growing child, the mid-life evaluation period catches up with a maturing adult. Spiritually, these are mid-points of life where one is called upon to take stock of himself before he arrives at the golden pond and comes to the end of his journey on earth. Hopefully by then, he will be at peace with his Creator and with himself. Sad to say, many will not be.

Do I sound discouraging? Maybe, but I am being realistic and serious and I care about your well being as adults. I hope to see adults enjoying a fulfilled life, respected by their children and friends and everybody, everywhere they go … leaving behind a legacy. I believe it’s possible. So am I going to teach you how to carry yourself? No. We are usually too fixed for this at this age. I hope to show you, in principle, how you can be victorious and successful now and into a ripe old age – a dream that everyone in this world is running after. I am going to give you a few tips and you have to take off from there yourself. I am not going to talk down at you like you are a mixed-up kid. We hardly listened when we were one anyway. Did you? Well, I seldom did.

Let me start with something negative. One morning, we wake up with a shock. When we were sleeping, somebody called Time came into our room and quietly did something real cruel to us.

Lines start running on our faces and bags appear under our eyes

Some of our muscles disappear and extra cushions are added to our thighs and buttocks

Spare tyres encircle our waist and patches of hair are removed from our heads

Our eyelids droop and our cheeks sag

When we look into the mirror, we see an older person staring back at us

When we get to work, to church, to restaurant, people greet us respectfully but with caution, and respect is something that we seem to need more and more

The people serving us are younger than us yet are very capable, doing things we had never known or done before and we feel a sense of panic running down our spine

We have to learn new things and new skills together with our children and they are doing better than us

Our children begin to win us in an argument for the first time, suggesting better ideas and plans that we do not see

Our spouse is now so used to us, calling us with names like "the old-one" and the love relationship no longer seems as delightful and satisfying as before

Our children want to do their own things in their own ways and without us

Our parents are about to say or have already said "Good Bye" forever, at least in my case

The list goes on …

When we are going through these, we may know that we are going through a phase of life which the experts call "mid-life". Even though different from that of the "mixed up kid", it is another phase of evaluation and self-examination, except that it is even more severe this time.

We find ourselves living in a changing world that provides opportunities for fulfillment, advancement, financial rewards but also competition with ever-increasing expectations and demands from outside and within ourselves. When we were younger, we arrested the storms and rode the clouds. We were caught up with launching a career, establishing a home, and creating a lifestyle. We had no time for our thoughts to wonder, but now we are evaluating about life again:

Wondering about the meaning and purpose of our existence once again

Questioning about our old age, future and eternity, wondering what we are going to do for our remaining years, at one moment we are confident, at another moment we are afraid

Settling old scores - rewards or revenge, comparing ourselves with old classmates and peers

Questioning about the true value of our accomplishments

Evaluating our past young adult life, often disappointed to see that life did not turn out to be as rosy or as great as we had fantasized about in our earlier years

Surprised that we are wondering if we had married the right person or should have been married at all or, maybe we would be better off divorced like the colleague at the next table, or maybe we should be responsibly polygamous, or maybe we should be a free womanizer

We wonder if it was all worth the while

We begin to be threatened by losses, materially, emotionally and spiritually

We then begin a journey of serious thinking that can be completely drastic and totally change us for the rest of our life. What was important becomes meaningless and what was meaningless suddenly becomes the reason to live on. This mid-life period is generated by an internal evaluation of the natural self and spiritual fulfillment that is measured against external realities and expectation. Many times, it can become very traumatic, especially when the components do not match and the person goes into something called "MID-LIFE CRISIS". It’s a term only a few would acknowledge or talk about, but if it is not well handled, the person may become totally disillusioned and wrecked up. Does this happen to some only? No, it happens in big or small measure to all who walk on this earth because it is nature’s instinctive call for evaluation. It generally occurs between age 35 to 45 for the earlier ones and for some others, 45 to 60 or even more. And thereafter is a period, one would call, "the golden age" of settling down into the conclusion of life, which can be poignant especially for those with a serious disposition towards life.

During mid-life, sometimes very drastic changes take place, maybe good or no good, right or wrong, but it is a stage of life that will determine the reports and conclusion of our entire life – physically, emotionally and even spiritually. The person may emerge victorious and virtuous or a hated creature bitter and revengeful or a subdued and resigned "good for nothing" that will never emerge again to find fulfillment. This time we have to be sure, unlike a young adult for it is most likely the last chance or last opportunity, whichever way one sees it.

At this point, we need something more than our own strength to show us the way – the God that we never see and true spiritual people, living or dead who have gone ahead of us and marked out the path - people whom we know that God is with them to pace us along. Refer to them, not to someone whom we know is yet to have the breakthrough.

If you know you are in it, this is what I suggest that you do:

Do not be afraid but identify and re-evaluate what bothers you even though if it seems true, good, holy and the only standard for everyone

Spend some time facing the problem, pray and read the Bible yourself

Accept and share your feelings with your trained leaders and pastors, or someone qualified to open your eyes

Good to share with someone in the same sea of troubles sometimes, but remember, Jesus said, how can the blind lead the blind?

Open up yourself to the right sources like professional advises and spiritual leaders who are willing to commit themselves to help you

Rediscover your relationships with those around you, like spouse, lover, leader and boss. Don’t let the pains and the hurts hinder you. Let the goodness in yourself and in others give you the strength to go on.

Set new goals that are realistic and exciting.

Try new things and new relationships that are true and acceptable before God.

Volunteer to contribute to others and to the community you are involved in.

Improve your nutrition and exercise well.

Mid-life is a very exciting period of life. You are at your prime where you can build a legacy that your children and disciples, and even God can be proud of. Which means that it will not be easy and you may have to make some very hard decisions to do what is true and right. You have to reconcile that which is within with that which is without, and then mobilize everything possible to fulfill what is true and right. You know this is your last opportunity and you don’t want to be regretful in the last phase of your life where you should be harvesting your sowing.

You may need to attend to your situation, painstakingly resolving each issue at a time, admitting ignorance, errors and hypocrisies of your own and of others. Believe me, many times what seems right turns out wrong and what seems wrong turns out right. That’s why you are having a crisis, as triggered by an instinctive call to re-evaluate. I have spoken enough, sharing some advises from my own experiences. You will have to take off from here and be on your way to true fulfillment. Remember, don’t give up but stand by what is true, good and right to the end and you are already a fulfilled and sure winner. Know the truth and the truth will set you free.

RESTORATION OF BIBLICAL PATRIARCHY

HEBRAIC ROOTS OF CHRISTIANITY