PERSONAL (1) A PERSONAL STATEMENT ON POLYGAMY

I have been asked, "What do the authorities and others think of you and of what you are propagating?"

This is a valid question and my answer is simple. I cannot tell for sure what everybody thinks of me because I do not hear from every single one of them. I maintain that I seek to build and not to destroy. I seek to prevent divorces and broken marriages that are destroying us. I think I have answers to these, and I want to contribute them to the Church and the world wherein I have been raised and benefiting from. I hope that this is how others will see and think of me. That simple.

What does the authority say?
I cannot be presumptuous. But after so many years in ministry and more than 6 years of intensive research and study on this subject, with so much scriptural substantiation on this website and with much more that are going to be posted, I want to announce my finding - that it is not morally wrong neither scripturally nor biblically wrong to be polygamous and I have to concur with Mr Lee Kuan Yew, the Senior Minister of Singapore that polygamy (polygyny) is a viable option to dynamic nation-building and the way to solve many social problems. After years in pastoral counseling, I also feel compelled to agree with Mr Goh Chok Tong, Prime Minister of Singapore when he said that Singaporean men are generally "Kia Bor" which means "fear wife" for I see (as also portrayed in several TV commercials) that many are generally too wife-beholden than called for. From my experience, such a syndrome will in the long run produce "good-for-nothing" husbands and dominating "tigresses of the home", which simply means more marital failures. I also want to state that TRUE CHRISTIANITY IS NOT WESTERN CULTURE and need not and should no longer stay under the dominion of it, especially if Singapore is to find an identifiable identity of her own. As a minister of the Gospel and a responsible citizen, I must also air my views and I am glad that my religious conviction is in line with the sentiment that the Leadership of this country is inclined to. Thus in answering this question, this much is my knowledge of the authority in this issue.  

What do others think?
I can't be totally sure either. However, I do know that in some way I have been grossly misquoted behind my back by a few local ministers who would not come directly to me with the Scriptures. I don't know why and this is the sad part. As concerning direct feedback, which is largely from the West, the `for’ far outnumbered the `against’, and many `for’s are from spiritual men and women who have gone through much in life, including credible and experienced ministers. There are also some who conceded after some dialogue while others seem to know what I am talking about and are appreciative that they do indeed find some good answers here.

Here is my Personal Statement
Let me categorically state that I am neither promoting and liberalizing indulgence in extra-marital affairs nor advocating polyamory. This I know I will be accused of. But people are already what they are. Despite all laws against bigamy, men and women whether with legitimate reasons or not, expedient or not, abusive or not, are continually getting involved with one another. This is rampant in every single society. And as long as such extra-marital affairs are not legally registered, they are not in any way a crime in most modern societies. But these, also usually necessitate divorces, resulting in many broken marriages, devastated homes, abandoned children and finally a weakening and decaying society.

We have no choice. We are now pressed against the wall to review our religious and moral values. In the face of the complexities and demands of life, we are forced to admit that we have come to the dead end of the road and exhausted our resources concerning such issues. We have to admit that we cannot afford to be pretentious any more, to think that our religious and moral systems are providing the answers, but to accept the fact that we are no more able than just to pick up the shattered pieces after marital disasters. These disasters, we know are of very high cost to the economy and very stressful and harmful to the society. What seemed to work yesterday is not working anymore today.

The question is how ready are we to face such pressing issues, and be courageous enough to tear apart our fundamentals, to re-evaluate our understanding on holiness and the values of our moral system and see where we are really missing out rather than to pretentiously maintain that we have answers that evil men reject. It’s always easier to blame the ignorant and the problems than to admit professional inadequacy.

Consider these scenarios. 2 people, a married man and a married woman happen to fall in love one more time and start a series of extra-marital affairs. The easiest and neatest way to continue this new and exciting ride without further objections or problems is to divorce and remarry. Today, this can be done most professionally and efficiently without much difficulties. But the results? 2 sets of abandoned families and one new family that is no less vulnerable than the previous ones. Yet our system does not just sanction them, but provides a way and aids them in doing so, as long as the means is sufficient to satisfy the legal requirements. How does the community view them? Nothing more than that each acting on their private rights. Another 2 people, a married man and a single woman inadvertently get involved. The man is ready to be a responsible husband and father to all, yet he and his 2 families are despised by those around him and his second family is deprived of certain privileges of rightful citizens. Worst still, if he is not so careful as to be so responsible as to honor his second relationship with a legal declaration or ceremony, he may be convicted as a criminal and go behind bars, while those of the first scenario go scot-free and are protected by the law to divorce again. So under pressure, he (of the second case) buckles and chooses only 1 family. The result? 1 more broken family and 1 new family with every equal chance of another breakup. As never before, families are being torn up in such manner and the number of abandoned children is ever increasing at an alarming rate. Yet everyone chooses to remain silent. Strange, isn’t it? Perhaps not, for anyone who dares speak on this loud enough may just end up being ostracized and crucified too.

It is insufficient for holy men to maintain that shipwrecks happen but only to those who are lacking of self-control, lawless, carnal and sinful. The fact is that this can happen to just anybody, even to the very good and very faithful people, at any time, in any place, in any social strata of the society. This fact is undeniably true. It’s against everybody’s desire but it’s getting more and more rampant, like uncontainable fire that endlessly devours, licking up anybody along its path. Nobody believes it will ever happen to them until one day, it suddenly happens - to them. Can this be avoided? I believe to a large extent, yes.

In my opinion, which I believe is the Creator’s opinion, that the only right way to navigate a ship is not to adopt 1 best method for all voyages, but to know all viable options and to employ the most appropriate one that will only work well under the different circumstances of each different life journey. Each of us passes through this life only once, and marriage is more complicated than navigating a ship. We cannot afford to miss. No wonder, there are so many shipwrecks in the stormy seas of marriages.

I now make emphatically clear what I am propagating in this section on Polygamy. I do not put polygamy above monogamy or celibacy. I speak much on it because it is most misunderstood and persecuted. I have 2 main underlying thoughts in all my writings. To interpret them otherwise would be misquoting me. It would be unkind and may even be malicious and insinuating.

1. I seek to tell the Church and the world that issues on divorce many times are grossly mishandled. Many a times, marital problems are unscripturally dealt with and divorces are wrongly sanctioned and many a times really unnecessary. God is not for divorces and His Word provides ways to avert them. They concern marital relationships and family values but these are either seldom understood or properly expounded at the pulpit, coupled with the fear that what may be true is totally unacceptable to the community we live in. Thus, for that, we pay. The Church is no longer capable of setting moral standards and providing guidance and answers to the society. But the truth is, even though divorces may not be eliminated, they can be greatly reduced.
       
2. I seek to tell the Church and the world that the unchanging God, even to this day does sanction, accept, vindicate and bless a form of polygamy (polygyny) when it is biblically and responsibly founded on the guidelines of His Word. God does provide principles and teachings for all parties concerned, not just to be responsible and fair to one another, but also to bring them into victory, joy and fulfillment. The truth is that the Word does have the answer but is totally overlooked and denied, even by great theologians and spiritual giants. Thus for this we again pay, with divorces, broken families and a decaying society.

The basis of my proposition is the Scriptures and my experiences in them as a minister. I may sound too bold and even arrogant. Perhaps, but it is my sincere belief that this site really has answers, to a certain extent and is receiving more and more attention on the Web, of individuals and institutions. I hope you, the reader will read deeper and think deeper into the materials written herein. Like I said, I do receive feedback from those who have gone through much in life, saying that they indeed do find some good answers here. My purpose is not to upset any system, religious or legal. But to let the individuals choose and experience the goodness of the truth for themselves. After they have experienced what is good and right, they will know how to adjust and align or change what is necessary for the community and for themselves.

Finally, as a minister of the Gospel and a citizen of a progressive nation, I am entitled to air a view which is proven scriptural, at the same time constructive for the society by saving marriages and divorces. This is my personal statement.

Click here for some feedback and Lee Kuan Yew On Polygamy for Nation Building.

Thank you,
Israel CS Lim

Copyright © Israel CS Lim, April, May 1999