POLYGAMY - OBJECTIONS, Q & A (1) THE TWO SHALL BE ONE

Jesus said, "For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh. Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder" (Matt 19:5-6). Since Jesus said it’s one, more cannot be included. So how can polygamy be of God?

Let's first look at a foregoing verse to see what manner of conversation prompted Jesus to say this, so that we may be contextually correct. Matthew 19:3, The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? They were talking about divorce of 2 people and not polygamy, which in fact are two completely divergent matters. One is about subtracting off and the other about adding on. They tempted Him, "Can a man (1 person) put away his wife (1 person) without a real cause?" They were asking about 2 people in relation to divorce, so He answered them concerning these 2 people. His answer does not in any way imply that there must only be 2 people in a marriage. He said, "No, these 2 people should not be so easily separated. But Moses allowed it because of the hardness of man's heart." See Mk 10:5-7. To site an example of similar principle, if we hear someone seeking advice about his work partnership with another fellow director, we do not conclude that legally all companies must have only 2 partners, or that all companies must ideally have only 2 directors. That's ridiculously presumptious. But this has been the way this conversation in the Bible is interpreted, which is clearly erroneous. 

Can there be more than 2 that will make up one? The answer is a definite YES. It's all over the Bible, beginning with God, 3 Persons as One [Hebrew 'echad']. Thus the same "one" [Hebrew 'echad'] in Gen 2:24 that Jesus quoted in Matt 19:5-6, refers to a union, not an absolute "1", a oneness with another in the soul and body where the center of the man's life, his point of reference in life is shifted away from his parents’ to build his own family, but never a total cut-off from his family to be "1" with his wife. The understanding of being "one" with another in the Bible always refers to "oneness and union" that can possibly include others, without separating some others, and never in the sense of the absolute numeric "1" where another cannot be included.

One may still stubbornly contend that the word "wife" is singular. My answer is that if God would say "wives", then the same split-hair argument would be brought to bear as to how many is the right number, 2 or 3 or more and that "1" wife would then become unacceptable, and this we know is bad argument. Let's look at the example of Jesus to explain this. Jesus is one with the Father. He left His presence to come and be one with the Church yet He always remains one with the Father. He is now gone back to the Father and He will unite the Church into the Godhead. This "one" can involve multiple parties in the scriptures. Apostle Paul said in 1Cor 6:15-17 that he who is one with the Lord should not be one with a prostitute by visiting her. For in so doing, he enters into union with her, thus a person should not visit a prostitute. Paul did not specify that the person doing so must be single, meaning that he can be married and still be "one" with another. The understanding of the word "one" here is oneness and union, not the absolute number "1", which means that more can be added into the "one" union even of a man-woman relationship. It’s then a question of an acceptable "one" (not so much numbers but with whom) before God. That's why a man should not visit a prositute, or he becomes one with her and with his wife or wives if he is married. This is the correct understanding of "one"ness throughout the Bible. Thus biblically 1=1, 1+1 = 1, and 1+1+1= 1, and 1+1+1+1 = 1, and so on.

Here is the evil result of the wrong interpretation of Matthew 19:5-6. If the "one" here is interpreted in the absolute numerical sense of "1" and not permitting the inclusion of another, (as is used by many theologians to mean that marriage must be monogamy or it would otherwise be sinful), then the "leave"(also a subtraction) in the same verse should also be interpreted in the same literal sense, as to mean a literal and permanent departure, a cut-off from the parents, never to return again. This we all know is not of God. But because the element of "exclusiveness" is so inherent in the "should-be monogamy" theology and in the wrong interpretation of this verse, countless Christians use this verse to keep their old parents at a far distance, only to find themselves excluded by their own children in the days to come. If we reject our parents, we cannot expect our children to want us. That's why this line of interpretation also brings about much family disorder and brokenness.

By observation, we see that the more monogamous the society, the more exclusive will be the man-woman relationship, the more extended families will not be tolerated, and the more old parents will be forsaken. No wonder in America where "should-be" monogamy is strictly adhered to, where homosexuality is now even more tolerated than polygamy, old parents are easily forsaken without conscience and dumped away as "heaven hangers". True polygamous people, because of patriarchal teachings, generally tolerate extended families and do not find it difficult to accept old parents well. We see this in our polygamous Patriarchal Fathers. In this, we also see that the exclusiveness of the deified SHOULD-BE MONOGAMY theology engenders a tendency and provides an excuse to exclude others in the name of holiness and family harmony. In most cases, the defense of should-be monogamy has little to do with the defense of righteousness. Rather, it has more to do with self and possessiveness.

There is basically no biblical ground to reject polygamy. There were many polygamous people in the time of Christ, but there is not one mention in the gospel that He spoke against them, no, definitely not in this passage of the scriptures. We can confidently, by God's Word, conclude that polygamy is as acceptable as monogamy or celibacy.

Copyright © Israel CS Lim, 1998