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SARA’S  SECRET
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AS A TEENAGER, SHE HID A TERRIBLE TRUTH FROM HER CLASSMATES: SHE CAME FROM A POLYGAMOUS FAMILY. EXPOSURE WOULD HAVE MEANT RIDICULE AND OSTRACISM

SALT LAKE CITY (Utah) – Sara wanted to talk about the pleasure of growing up in a polygamous family but her face tightened as she recalled the tension of keeping "the secret".

At a cruel age of 14, when teenagers are careful studies in conformity, Sara remembered the moment of cold fear when she saw another girl at a high-school dance who was also from a polygamous family. Exposure would have meant ridicule and ostracism, and possibly more serious consequences for their parents. They exchanged glances, and silently sealed a pact: Neither would expose the other.

"If they couldn’t deal with the fact that my hair was straight and I had no bangs, what would they do to me if they found out I came from a polygamous family?" said Sara, now a mother of three in a monogamous marriage and living comfortably in Salt Lake City. "What made me angry was that I felt like I was keeping a secret that wasn’t mine. I believed my world would collapse if somebody found out." she said.

Salt Lake City is home of the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter-Day Saints, as Mormons prefer to be known, with nearly 10 million followers worldwide. Mormons once embraced polygamy and then outlawed it, paving the way for Utah to become a state in 1896.

An estimated 50,000 self-styled Mormon fundamentalists, who say the church erred, practise polygamy in various forms – usually in far-flung rural communities in Utah, Idaho, Montana and Arizona.

{Another case} A dark-haired, 16-year old earlier this year blew the lid of the shadowy Eldon Kingston clan, alleging beatings, forced marriages and incest that produced freaks among the offspring. Her father pleaded no contest on April 21 to third degree child abuse. A June 1 date has been set for the trial of the teen’s uncle – whom she was forced to marry – on charges of sex abuse and incest.

Sara was the 10^th of her mother’s 17 children. Her father had four other wives and a total of 36 children. She recalled a happy childhood where she played among the 60 children from 10 clan families on a 35,956 ha ranch - AFP

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MY COMMENTS:

AS A TEENAGER, SHE HID A TERRIBLE TRUTH FROM HER CLASSMATES: SHE CAME FROM A POLYGAMOUS FAMILY. EXPOSURE WOULD HAVE MEANT RIDICULE AND OSTRACISM

Ironical as it seems, homosexuality and lesbianism are either accepted as an alternate lifestyle or else sympathetically accommodated. Single-parenthood has become a norm. Same sex marriage has gotten its way to being recognized in some courts. Will responsible polygamy (polygyny) continue to be a stigma? However, this was Sara’s feeling some years back and hopefully by now such discrimination has lessened, especially when one court ruled that there is no reason why polygamy is to be discriminated when same-sex marriage is approved.

SALT LAKE CITY (Utah) – Sara wanted to talk about the pleasure of growing up in a polygamous family but her face tightened as she recalled the tension of keeping "the secret".

How can there be pleasure growing up in a polygamous environment? But as the statement suggests, it’s an obvious "Yes". But for fear of being ridiculed and ostracized, she refrained. Why? We see the answer below.

At a cruel age of 14, when teenagers are careful studies in conformity, Sara remembered the moment of cold fear when she saw another girl at a high-school dance who was also from a polygamous family.

Not just an issue of conformity, but also an issue of upbringing, for children up to this age very much reflect the values of parents, traditions and whatever "shame" and old wives' rules by which they were raised at home, only to realize that they were wrong someday. But by then, children like Sara would have been badly scarred. We have to rethink whether our schools and homes are places of dynamic and practical upbringing or are cradles for weak truths that our children would have to discard or be victimized by one day.

Exposure would have meant ridicule and ostracism, and possibly more serious consequences for their parents.

There is no doubt that some over zealous anti-polygamy lobbyists would destroy the family, even by means of the law.

They exchange glances, and silently sealed a pact: Neither would expose the other.

As if a leper recognizing another leper. But who is at fault, the parents of Sara who gave her a pleasurable "growing up" experience or the discriminating parents of the other children?

"If they couldn’t deal with the fact that my hair was straight and I had no bangs, what would they do to me if they found out I came from a polygamous family?" said Sara, now a mother of three in a monogamous marriage and living comfortably in Salt Lake City.

The destructive power of discrimination cannot be understated. But the sadder truth is that children are being taught to freely judge, persecute, hate and ostracize indiscriminately. In another word, they taught to be self-righteous and hypocritical, considering the fact that a higher percentage of the children in US has single-parents. It takes years and a monogamous status before Sara could break the silence of talking about her background where she actually found joy in.

"What made me angry was that I felt like I was keeping a secret that wasn’t mine. I believed my world would collapse if somebody found out," she said.

But as far as the parents are concerned, it is a secret for survival and not a secret of immorality. A secret to protect themselves from those self-righteous adults who would resort to divorce and denial of children if they were involved with more women.

Salt Lake City is home of the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter-Day Saints, as Mormons prefer to be known, with nearly 10 million followers worldwide.

Mormons once embraced polygamy and then outlawed it, paving the way for Utah to become a state in 1896.

The issue here is not just a religious one, but also a social one.

An estimated 50,000 self-styled Mormon fundamentalists, who say the church erred, practise polygamy in various forms – usually in far-flung rural communities in Utah, Idaho, Montana and Arizona.

This does not mean that anyone who is polygamous is a Mormon or a Muslim. Many, if not most of the biblical fathers were polygamous.

A dark-haired, 16-year old earlier this year blew the lid of the shadowy Eldon Kingston clan, alleging beatings, forced marriages and incest that produced freaks among the offspring.

It never was nor is biblical to force marriages or to be incestuous. Such are against Biblical polygamy principles and can and have happened to countless others who are not at all polygamous. Biblical Hebraic principles require that there must be mutual attraction and definitely no forced marriage is allowed.

Her father pleaded no contest on April 21 to third degree child abuse.

A June 1 date has been set for the trial of the teen’s uncle – whom she was forced to marry – on charges of sex abuse and incest.

May the law mete out whatever is necessary. But this has nothing to do with polygamy. In fact, we all know that there are far more such cases like that with monogamous people. So let’s not be self-righteous and hypocrites to use this as an excuse to condemn and rob the liberty of others who rob no man nor God.

Sara was the 10^th of her mother’s 17 children. Her father had four other wives and a total of 36 children.

A blessed family that Sara must be thankful for.

She recalled a happy childhood where she played among the 60 children from 10 clan families on a 35,956 ha ranch - AFP

A blessed childhood to be proud of and surely with experiences and events that not many are privileged to go through or enjoy.

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